“All the worlds a Stage”

September 17th, 2007 § 0 comments

For me today was irrevocably wretched since yesterday.

I am without words. There is something bubbling inside me, I can feel it, but it does not feel like something savory. It seems to be made up of everything I hate about life and the world, and everything I love about him. Disgusting, I can’t eat or drink it.

Jackie said…. “and sometimes it just hurts.” When I can’t believe away the truth I am left with pain. A horrible and bittersweet pain that does not seem to have an end, but that can not go on infinitely either. It begins when it does and disappears in the same manner. I can’t control it anymore than I can stop feeling it.

They don’t know, they have forgotten, they don’t remember. You can’t go around reminding people what day it is, and yet I want to. I need to. A year ago I shut my phone, disbelieving, and again I seem to need confirmation. The pain seems to come as much from the fact that I must get up, make art, go to school tomorrow and think of inconsequential things, as it does from knowing I will never hear his voice outside my head.

I saw this memorial in Philly this weekend and it reminded me of you. Is it a small comfort or no comfort at all that you are still somehow a part of my world?


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