In Memory

September 18th, 2006 § 1 comment


“. . . but perhaps there will be another time. Time is so strange and life is twice as strange. The cogs miss, the wheels turn, and lives interlace too early or too late. It was a terrible bit of timing. Anyway, the next spin around, wheels might function right again. “

I always liked this story of two people’s compatibility that went beyond the bounds of romance and into the realm of time and place. It is strange when you meet someone it seems you have met and known before, when you know what the person is thinking before the words come out. “I know everything you are about to do before you do it, but after you’ve done it I’m always surprised.” We seemed connected and crossed from the beginning, and though we were so right something was always wrong. It seems this time around he was meant to move on, and I to stay here. Perhaps he only had 27 more years to learn about life. Devastating for the people left in the wake, but perhaps, beautiful for him. The idea of his death being random and chaotic seems impossible to deal with, and the idea of Heaven inconsequential, as for us, he is still won’t return. I wonder how lives collide and separate, and I don’t think I will ever know or understand, but it helps to wonder.

At first I could only think of the things I never said, or did not say enough, but real life never does package as nicely as movies. Now I feel tortured and thankful for the memories I have, and can’t help regretting all the things I trashed in the naive belief that there was nothing finite about him.

Powerless, I listen to Dylan for him.

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